Devils in Marriage

I have this uncanny feeling that somebody must have told me there is nothing the devil hates, like matrimony in this world. I cannot remember well, but this guy must have been a staunch Christian, and I was a few months early in my marriage. “The devil fights marriages with all his might until he breaks down every thread of bond that exists between a couple,” the individual must have added.

Many a time, I found myself agreeing with this observation, not only because I am Christian but also because of the occurrences around me. How does one explain the actions of a man or woman burning alive his/her family locked inside their home? Or the act of a man or woman continually battering and even mutilating his/her spouse to the point beyond recognition? 

Ignorance of the challenges ahead

The first mistake people make before entering marriage is their failure to know and understand the enormous difficulties a union may present. However, we cannot blame anybody planning to marry for failing to grasp these challenges. It is virtually impossible to understand something that you have not experienced. For example, it is impossible to understand the pain of losing a loved one if you have never lost one. The legendary rap music icon Tupac Shakur once said, “Nobody knows my pain; they only see my struggle,” to stress that it was nearly impossible to understand what one has not experienced. 

Cold feet

 

 They are still determining whether the decision to get married is right.

 The period you plan to get married is when you realize the great sacrifices that come with marriage. It finally dawns on you that admiring, flirting, and even dating other girls or boys will soon end. This reality is the first that you face. Questions like these run through your mind: have I found the best partner? Could there be another person out there better than this man or woman? What about the man and woman I recently met at the coffee shop? 

You even start comparing your potential spouse with former girlfriends or boyfriends: Is he/she better than Steve or Carol? However, since your previous relationships were a failure, the fact that you have reached the point of marriage in your current relationship makes you go ahead with the wedding.

Past relationships

Unfortunately, your recent relationships start haunting you almost immediately after getting married. Former girlfriends or boyfriends call or write canning congratulatory messages with little happiness and sadness for losing you to your partner. If you are not careful, you may be trapped with these calls and messages, which began as simple, honest chats that turn into everyday flirts and, finally, side romantic relationships. 

You have to be careful. It is proper to stop communication with your former partners to strengthen the foundation of one’s newly formed matrimony. Remember, the first year of marriage is usually the most arduous since you and your partner are adjusting to a new style of living entirely different from your previous single and dating lives.

Unsettled

Later you may find yourself comparing your spouse with other people. Every time you meet charming people who are either beautiful or handsome, you tend to imagine your spouse in comparison to these people. When this happens, know that you are not settled in your marriage. It is upon you to decide to settle in your marriage. 

Bad habits

 

 He has forgotten that he must return to his family for dinner.

 As you live with your spouse for some time, you get to learn about some habits that they exhibit that you dislike. Remember, dating is always unreal. People are usually on their best behavior when dating, which makes it impossible to know a person entirely. They act neat, clean, organized, caring, and committed when dating, but all these may not be the reality of their lives or themselves. 

For example, when dating, you always find your partner’s bed well-spread and neat. However, after marriage, you realize that this guy or lady never spreads his/her bed every morning. Then you conclude that they just spread the bed the times you were visiting, when dating, to impress you. You cannot tolerate this habit because you are not used to it. 

Proper communication is the best cure for all the bad habits that you dislike. Call your spouse, sit down together, and have a respectful conversation where you explain everything you hate about them. It would help if you also learned to listen and slow to speak. Learn to accept criticism from your spouse and also make changes to the habits that your spouse does not like about you too. Change happens slowly. Give your spouse time to change as you constantly remind them respectfully.

Gossips

Do not tolerate gossip in your marriage. You might think that the people who always give you information about your spouse’s whereabouts have your interest at heart. They do not. Instead, they are planting a seed of doubt in your marriage. Trust is the foundation of lasting relationships: when you lose it, you lose your relationship. An African proverb says, “There is power in ignorance.” This proverb is, at times, relevant in marriages. Preserving and maintaining a stable relationship sometimes requires ignorance about certain things about your spouse. Always afford your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Social Media

 

 addicted to social media

 Social media is the modern grave threat to marriages today. Its advent, quick adoption, and use have made people vulnerable to many mistakes. For example, people are prone to flirting due to the many beautiful and handsome women and men they meet on social media, who sometimes lure them to flirt. Once you fall prey to social media flirters, you may get addicted to flirting as you find a place where you can exercise your dormant seduction skills (if a man) or where you continuously get admirers (if a woman). Log out or delete such accounts to prevent your flirt addiction from creating problems in your marriage. 

Some social media flirters, especially those who know you and your family, are dangerous. You might arrive home one evening, and to your surprise, you find your spouse in possession of all the flirty messages you send to your companion flirter. Such flirters are sometimes out to destroy you and your family because they might have wanted to have a relationship with you. Still, you disappointed them by marrying another man or woman. Avoid them at all costs.

Poor information source analysis

It is also essential that you do not fall victim to your spouse’s social media flirt. Ironically, your spouse’s flirt sends you the messages and chats they have been having with your spouse and asks you to stop your spouse from approaching them. Social media and telecommunications technologies have set up all the necessary procedures that one can use to avoid another person. One can block a person so that one does not have any form of communication with the blocked person. Therefore, when somebody sends you information and details of their flirt or chat with your husband and wife, such a person’s intentions should be treated as hostile. 

Instead of sending you chats and messages to cause ripples in your marriage, the person should have blocked your spouse if they wanted nothing to do with them. People who send such messages have ill intentions by wanting to look better than you by showing you that your spouse is after them. Good people block and stop chatting with married people instead of luring them to send flirt messages and use them against them.

Conclusion

Marriage is sacred. Additionally, it is the only appropriate institution for continuing the existence of humankind. We must make all the proper decisions to preserve its life, no matter how foolish our efforts may appear.

The Only Language the People Understand

The electioneering period is fun in most developing countries' calendars. Unfortunately, it is also marked by uncertainty due to the violence accompanying it. For example, In Kenya, since the post-election violence that claimed the lives of about 1000 people and displaced about 100,000, elections come here with mixed feelings of joy and uncertainty. 

The electioneering period is particularly joyous in the African continent because people celebrate the wealth of their languages and learn more about their traditions and culture, which currently face erosion due to the rapid adoption of western culture and languages. Mark, you, any person who vies for a post and does not possess the rich vocabularies and sayings of our mother tongue, stand no chance of getting elected to office. Chinua Achebe states, "Proverbs are the palm oil with which words are eaten" in his book, "Things Fall Apart," to elaborate on the importance of language mastery, especially in politics and leadership.

 In Kenya, Raila Odinga, the "people's president," is a master of the African languages Dholuo and Kiswahili, which earns him an enormous following across the country. His ability to play and tackle his opponents with words that have deep African and contemporary meanings is incredible. Raila's political opponents fear him for his language prowess, which has earned him the title of jamaa wa vitendawili (the owner of riddles) among his language-deficient opponents in their attempts to water down his political achievements. 

One of the famous sayings by Raila Odinga last year was his description of President Uhuru Kenyatta and his failing administration as a headless chicken. He said in Kiswahili, "Uhuru ni kama kuku amekatwa kichwa, anakimbia huku na kule bila kuona mahali anakokwenda" (President Uhuru is like a headless chicken, which runs around without the knowledge of where it is headed). I could not help but laugh my head off.

Such simple yet sophisticated sayings drive the point home. It is easy to understand the message they carry. One merely understands that Raila meant that Kenya was being run by a president who had no goal, objectives, or direction for the country, which is evident in the country's massive corruption, tribalism, and nepotism.

Another example of Mr. Odinga's hilarious sayings was a few years back in response to constant attacks by government MP, who hated the massive support he enjoyed from the people. He compared the MP to a dog. Odinga's response to the MP in Swahili was, "Ukiona mbwa anabweka, usijishughulike na mbwa huyo, tafuta mwenyewe na mwambie amfunge mbwa wake" (When a dog barks at you, ignore it. Find its owner and tell him/her to tie his dog). This simple remark silenced the targeted opponent, who went quiet for some days, proof that he was the dog sent by the owner to try and scare opposition leaders away.

 Recently, at a rally in Homabay County to usher his swearing-in ceremony as the people's President, Mr. Odinga gave a touching story that melted the heart of everyone who appreciated his liberation efforts. "A village was struck with perennial drought and famine," he started. "A lot of people died, and many fell sick and feeble. The elders of the community gathered and approached the village's seer to consult their gods on what they could do stop this punishment of drought that their people suffered," he continued. "After hours of deliberation and consultation with the gods, the seer brought a message from the gods that the village could only receive rainfall if they sacrificed a particular girl by feeding her to the crocodiles in the nearby nearly dry river. The girl set out for the river to offer herself the crocodiles without anybody's request, compulsion, or persuasion upon learning her fate. The suffering of her people had immensely touched her such that she did not require any push to save her people. I am that girl." Mr. Odinga ended the speech with a wild round of applause from the crowd that had explicitly gathered to listen to him.

 The interpretation of this short story is as follows. The continuing drought and famine-stricken village referred to our beloved poverty-stricken country Kenya marred by corruption and embezzlement of funds. As mentioned earlier, Mr. Odinga is the girl ready to sacrifice his life to save our motherland and its people.

Lastly, another example of mastery of speech occurred last year, where Prof Anyang Nyongo, the Governor of Kisumu County, then a gubernatorial candidate, used a crafty short story to cut short his speech and allow fellow speakers to have an adequate amount of time on the dais in a rally in Kisumu County. Below is part of the statement

“Nitiere mama moro mane ni gi welo e dala ne. To noloso ne gi kongo ma mit sana. Koro kane omiyo welo kongo to gi metho to en ok ometh, welo nopenje ni nango en ok ometh kodgi. To no duok gi ni en weg dala. Weg dala ok ber ka mer e kong gi.”

Translation: "There was a woman who had guests visiting her home. She prepared a sweet local beer, which she served them. As the guest took the beer, they noticed that she was not taking the beer. When they asked her why she was not having her pot of beer, she replied that is not prudent for a host to get drunk in her feast." 

In short, the professor meant there was no need to talk much in his backyard (county) lest he utters something that displeases his guests. Therefore, he left the podium for the guest leaders as a symbol of respect and courtesy, which everyone acknowledged that it was the right thing to do.

These examples show that mastery of language is an essential quality of leadership. One's ability to speak a language everyone understands and appreciates is crucial in winning people's support. Most African leaders recognize this fact. Language is a significant component of people's culture: to win people, you must master their language.

Divide and Rule

Divide and rule was a strategy Britain used in many colonies to prevent and suppress liberation movements that rose or attempted to rise. Divide and rule are grounded on the concept that if an oppressor keeps the many oppressed people divided, the oppressed fight one another while ignoring the failures and malpractices of the oppressor who continues to rule them. In short, division weakens people and makes oppressors have or gain the power to rule and control them. There are many examples of the application of divide and rule strategy globally. They are discussed below. 

British India

British India comprised two major religious groups: the Hindus and the Muslims. The Hindus were characterized by their caste system and intolerance towards other religious groups. They lowly regarded the Muslims who lived with them in British India. The British, who knew this fact, worked towards creating further division between these two religious groups to maintain their rule of India. Their policy was to keep and elevate the Hindu-Muslim antagonism to secure their rule of the territory.

 At one time, the Hindu members of the Indian National Congress resigned because the British had declared that India was at war with Germany without consulting the Congress. The British went ahead and appointed Muslim leaders to their positions. The Muslim leaders had no support of the electorate to hold these posts, yet the British appointed them in their effort to create and increase hatred among the Hindus and the Muslims. This strategy worked. The relationship between the Hindus and Muslims soured because many Hindus grew angry that their elected politicians languished in jail. At the same time, the Muslims assumed their roles in the Indian National Congress as if nothing grave had occurred.

The British used the divide-and-rule policy in India because of the Revolt of 1857, where Hindus and Muslims fought side by side against them and threatened to depose their rule of the territory. The unity the Hindus and Muslims expressed during this revolt surprised them. The British knew that their control of India would not last with such integration. Therefore, they embarked on creating division between the Hindus and the Muslims, which has had long-lasting consequences that are even felt today by the people.

Colonial Kenya

Another example of the British divide-and-rule strategy was in colonial Kenya. In the early 1950s, cooperation between the two major Kenyan tribes, the Luo and the Kikuyu, intensified in their struggle for Kenya’s independence, threatening the British, who had no intention of leaving the country soon. In 1954, a Luo Councilor, Ambrose Ofafa, was killed by the Mau Mau soldiers, a resistance movement mainly composed of Kikuyus, due to his alleged collaboration with the British. The British exploited this opportunity to exercise their divide-and-rule tactic by trying to create division between the Luo and Kikuyu communities. They created propaganda urging the Luo to join Kikuyu Home Guards, a force generated by the British to tackle the Mau Mau, to revenge for the killing of Ambrose Ofafa. Fortunately, Jaramogi Oginga Odinga, a Luo political leader, saw beyond the British divide-and-rule tactics. He arrived at Eastlands, Nairobi, mainly occupied by the Luo community, to calm his tribe members’ desire for revenge against the Kikuyu. He told his tribe members that the Mau Mau war efforts were focused on freeing the country from the colonialists. There was no need for Africans to turn against their fellow Africans. The real enemy was the British. The Luos took Jaramogi’s message, and the British efforts to divide the two tribes failed. The increased cooperation among the Kenyan tribes ensured that Kenya gained in the next decade.

Application of Divide and Rule Policy Today

Unfortunately, the British divide-and-rule strategy did not end with colonialism. Many politicians learned it and used it to maintain their hold on power. 

The modern-day divide-and-rule tactic in Africa is the promotion of tribalism by top government officials. An example is in President Moi’s 27 years of rule in Kenya. Although many of his speeches were against tribalism, he promoted it with his actions. He often got elected to office based on his propaganda that the small Kenyan tribes were threatened by the prominent tribes, especially the Luo and Kikuyu. He also managed to keep the Luo and Kikuyu divided as he got elected unanimously by the small Kenyan tribes. 

Today, in Kenya, Uhuru Kenyatta’s corrupt administration survives by mastering the art of divide and rule through tribalism. This government engages in heinous fraudulent acts and indiscriminate murder of citizens but survives due to a divided people. The people of Kenya cannot speak with one voice to condemn the atrocities committed by this administration due to their division along tribal lines. Tribalism has spurred hatred among tribes, so people are ready to sacrifice values for loyalties to their tribal leaders. This occurrence is a significant problem in Kenya and Africa. Tribalism has also created suspicions among different tribes, which prevents the creation of a thriving democracy in Kenya and the African continent. Many tribes or tribal leaders exploit this mistrust to stick to power and even rig elections to have power.

Therefore, the fact that many African leaders are not ready to fight tribalism and other social divisions is unsurprising. These divisions among people are their source of power. I often imagine that if Kenyans were united and there was no tribalism, would corrupt leaders be tolerated? Would the government kill and maim innocent civilians as others watch and support its actions? The answer is no. 

Political leaders (holders of government positions) survive with social evils because of tribalism, a form of divide-and-rule tactic. One should know that these leaders are not trying to kill tribalism or any other type of divide-and-rule tactic globally. It is their source of power. It was the source of power for the British over their colonized populations. It is the current source of power for corrupt African leaders.