Devils in Marriage

I have this uncanny feeling that somebody must have told me there is nothing the devil hates, like matrimony in this world. I cannot remember well, but this guy must have been a staunch Christian, and I was a few months early in my marriage. “The devil fights marriages with all his might until he breaks down every thread of bond that exists between a couple,” the individual must have added.

Many a time, I found myself agreeing with this observation, not only because I am Christian but also because of the occurrences around me. How does one explain the actions of a man or woman burning alive his/her family locked inside their home? Or the act of a man or woman continually battering and even mutilating his/her spouse to the point beyond recognition? 

Ignorance of the challenges ahead

The first mistake people make before entering marriage is their failure to know and understand the enormous difficulties a union may present. However, we cannot blame anybody planning to marry for failing to grasp these challenges. It is virtually impossible to understand something that you have not experienced. For example, it is impossible to understand the pain of losing a loved one if you have never lost one. The legendary rap music icon Tupac Shakur once said, “Nobody knows my pain; they only see my struggle,” to stress that it was nearly impossible to understand what one has not experienced. 

Cold feet

 

 They are still determining whether the decision to get married is right.

 The period you plan to get married is when you realize the great sacrifices that come with marriage. It finally dawns on you that admiring, flirting, and even dating other girls or boys will soon end. This reality is the first that you face. Questions like these run through your mind: have I found the best partner? Could there be another person out there better than this man or woman? What about the man and woman I recently met at the coffee shop? 

You even start comparing your potential spouse with former girlfriends or boyfriends: Is he/she better than Steve or Carol? However, since your previous relationships were a failure, the fact that you have reached the point of marriage in your current relationship makes you go ahead with the wedding.

Past relationships

Unfortunately, your recent relationships start haunting you almost immediately after getting married. Former girlfriends or boyfriends call or write canning congratulatory messages with little happiness and sadness for losing you to your partner. If you are not careful, you may be trapped with these calls and messages, which began as simple, honest chats that turn into everyday flirts and, finally, side romantic relationships. 

You have to be careful. It is proper to stop communication with your former partners to strengthen the foundation of one’s newly formed matrimony. Remember, the first year of marriage is usually the most arduous since you and your partner are adjusting to a new style of living entirely different from your previous single and dating lives.

Unsettled

Later you may find yourself comparing your spouse with other people. Every time you meet charming people who are either beautiful or handsome, you tend to imagine your spouse in comparison to these people. When this happens, know that you are not settled in your marriage. It is upon you to decide to settle in your marriage. 

Bad habits

 

 He has forgotten that he must return to his family for dinner.

 As you live with your spouse for some time, you get to learn about some habits that they exhibit that you dislike. Remember, dating is always unreal. People are usually on their best behavior when dating, which makes it impossible to know a person entirely. They act neat, clean, organized, caring, and committed when dating, but all these may not be the reality of their lives or themselves. 

For example, when dating, you always find your partner’s bed well-spread and neat. However, after marriage, you realize that this guy or lady never spreads his/her bed every morning. Then you conclude that they just spread the bed the times you were visiting, when dating, to impress you. You cannot tolerate this habit because you are not used to it. 

Proper communication is the best cure for all the bad habits that you dislike. Call your spouse, sit down together, and have a respectful conversation where you explain everything you hate about them. It would help if you also learned to listen and slow to speak. Learn to accept criticism from your spouse and also make changes to the habits that your spouse does not like about you too. Change happens slowly. Give your spouse time to change as you constantly remind them respectfully.

Gossips

Do not tolerate gossip in your marriage. You might think that the people who always give you information about your spouse’s whereabouts have your interest at heart. They do not. Instead, they are planting a seed of doubt in your marriage. Trust is the foundation of lasting relationships: when you lose it, you lose your relationship. An African proverb says, “There is power in ignorance.” This proverb is, at times, relevant in marriages. Preserving and maintaining a stable relationship sometimes requires ignorance about certain things about your spouse. Always afford your partner the benefit of the doubt.

Social Media

 

 addicted to social media

 Social media is the modern grave threat to marriages today. Its advent, quick adoption, and use have made people vulnerable to many mistakes. For example, people are prone to flirting due to the many beautiful and handsome women and men they meet on social media, who sometimes lure them to flirt. Once you fall prey to social media flirters, you may get addicted to flirting as you find a place where you can exercise your dormant seduction skills (if a man) or where you continuously get admirers (if a woman). Log out or delete such accounts to prevent your flirt addiction from creating problems in your marriage. 

Some social media flirters, especially those who know you and your family, are dangerous. You might arrive home one evening, and to your surprise, you find your spouse in possession of all the flirty messages you send to your companion flirter. Such flirters are sometimes out to destroy you and your family because they might have wanted to have a relationship with you. Still, you disappointed them by marrying another man or woman. Avoid them at all costs.

Poor information source analysis

It is also essential that you do not fall victim to your spouse’s social media flirt. Ironically, your spouse’s flirt sends you the messages and chats they have been having with your spouse and asks you to stop your spouse from approaching them. Social media and telecommunications technologies have set up all the necessary procedures that one can use to avoid another person. One can block a person so that one does not have any form of communication with the blocked person. Therefore, when somebody sends you information and details of their flirt or chat with your husband and wife, such a person’s intentions should be treated as hostile. 

Instead of sending you chats and messages to cause ripples in your marriage, the person should have blocked your spouse if they wanted nothing to do with them. People who send such messages have ill intentions by wanting to look better than you by showing you that your spouse is after them. Good people block and stop chatting with married people instead of luring them to send flirt messages and use them against them.

Conclusion

Marriage is sacred. Additionally, it is the only appropriate institution for continuing the existence of humankind. We must make all the proper decisions to preserve its life, no matter how foolish our efforts may appear.