Hope Springs: So Watchable

 

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend about her marriage. She told me she had been married for 20 years but wanted out. I tried to talk her back into her marriage, but she seemed adamant. It was hard to fathom that a marriage that had lasted for 20 years could experience great turmoil and get to the brink of collapse. 

Then I came across this 2012 movie titled "Hope Springs." The film is about a couple, Arnold and Kay Soames. They have been married for 37 years and are now on the brink of collapse. 

 The thing that glues me to the movie is that this couple has been married for 37 years, yet their marriage still faces turmoil, just like newlyweds in their second year. If my friend's 20 years of marriage felt like forever, what about 37 years?

 Plot 

Kay and Arnold are two nesters. Since their youngest child went to college, they have slept in separate rooms. It is over five years since they last made love. Kay is unhappy primarily with this setup, while Arnold feels it is okay. Kay takes her savings and pays for a trip to Maine, where she and Arnold are to attend an intense marriage counseling therapy for a week.

 At the start of the therapy, Arnold does not want to attend the sessions. However, as time passes, he gets stuck in it. The therapy makes significant improvements in their intimate lives. They end up saving their marriage and remarrying. There are vital lessons to learn from this movie. 

Importance of Intimacy in Marriage

During my years of study in a health-related course at the university, I learned that sex was one of the basic needs of humans as adults. A few years into marriage, my father advised me of the importance of sex in keeping a marriage. Now, Hope Springs adds significant weight to this observation. Observing this couple, Arnold and Kay, older adults, probably in their fifties or sixties, and seeing how Kay talks about her desire to have Arnold touch her in one of their early therapy sessions is very moving. One wonders how at such advanced ages, people still desire sex. They do, and the lack of it threatens marriages.

This film reveals that sex is essential not just because it fulfills a person's sexual desire but also shows that one admires and is still attracted to their partner. That feeling of attraction and admiration is what brings couples together and keeps them together. This feeling is mainly expressed through sex. For example, when the therapist, Dr. Feld, asks Arnold if he is still attracted to Kay, Arnold says he is. However, later, when the couple tries to make love in front of the fireplace in a luxury inn, Arnold is not aroused enough to go through with it. Kate realizes that Arnold lied to the therapist. She is no longer attractive to him. She decides to leave to pet-sit for a fellow employee. 

Fortunately, the night before she leaves, Arnold makes passionate love to her. That act saves their marriage. They resume a happy and fulfilling intimate relationship that leads them to remarry. 

Men and Women in Relationships

People may say that the movie advances stereotypes about men and women in relationships, but that is the reality of how most men and women are in relationships. Like most men, Arnold is a closed person in this relationship, while Kay is open, like most women. Arnold is okay with the present setup of the marriage. He does not understand why Kay feels a problem with their marriage. He thinks Kay is exaggerating their situation. It is like Kay is petty to him. This attitude later makes Kay tell him that he is a bully.

Arnold goes on a trip to Maine to please his wife and not to solve anything. During therapy sessions, he is unwilling to open up. One notices that Arnold only responds to questions after Kay does. There is a time when he even tells Dr. Feld that he cannot discuss his sex life with a stranger. His unwillingness and inability to talk about issues Kay deems crucial make him appear uncaring and disrespectful towards his wife. There are times when Kay cries because of this. 

On the other hand, Kay is open and willing to talk about anything concerning their relationship. She answers Dr. Feld's questions with ease. After storming out of a session when she feels suffocated by Arnold's bullish attitude, Kay goes to a bar where she informs the bar attendant that she has not had sex for long. One notices how Kay is open to discussing her relationship issues with anyone. She is seeking help anywhere she can get. 

Importance of Third Parties in Marriages 

Most importantly, HopeSprings elaborates on the importance of visiting counselors to help solve relationship problems. This movie shows how couples find it hard to discuss vital issues in marriages that can only be eased with third parties. For example, rarely do people talk about sex and sexual fantasies. In the film, we see Dr. Feld filling this gap in communication by taking this couple through a discussion of sex life and sexual fantasies. We learn that Arnold has had some essential fantasies that he wished Kay would help him achieve. If he were to tell Kay about these fantasies earlier, probably their relationship would have been different and better. Dr. Feld is crucial in helping this older couple solve their marriage problems. He gets them talking about what they love and hate about each other. Dr. Feld helps them pull closer to each other. He helps them save their marriage.

Conclusion

This movie is a perfect illustration of the problems couples face. It shows how men, at times, are usually distant and okay with unfulfilling relationships. It encourages women to pull men closer and not give up on seeking solutions to their unpleasant relationships, as Kay did. It also informs men not to trivialize their partners' issues, as Arnold did to Kay. It encourages them to spare time and discuss every item their partners present. It encourages men to be open and not have a fixed mindset about issues. Couples should save time and watch Hope Springs. I am recommending this movie to my friend I mentioned earlier.