Skip to main content

Parents or Children: Who Truly Owes the Other?

From childhood, we’re taught that children owe their parents a lifelong debt—for food, shelter, education, and love. This belief is so ingrained that many spend their lives trying to "repay" their parents. But this ignores a fundamental truth: children never asked to be born. The decision to bring a child into the world rests solely with parents, families, and society. If anything, it is parents who owe their children—not the other way around.

This article challenges the notion of filial obligation by examining:
  1. The Unilateral Decision of Birth
  2. Parental Responsibility vs. Favors
  3. The Unhealthy Reality of Human Existence

Part 1: The Choice to Bring a Child Into the World

1. No Child Consents to Birth

  • Biological Fact: Conception and birth are decisions made by parents, whether intentional (planned pregnancy) or unintentional (rape, failed contraception).
  • Social Pressures: Families often pressure couples to have children; societies outlaw abortion, removing bodily autonomy.
Example: In many cultures, childless women face stigma, pushing them into motherhood against their will.

2. Parents Own the Consequences of Their Choice

Just as a builder is responsible for maintaining a house they construct, parents assume responsibility for a life they create. This includes:
  • Basic Needs: Food, shelter, safety (not gifts, but obligations)
  • Emotional Care: Love, guidance, stability
Analogy: If you adopt a pet, you owe it care—it doesn’t owe you gratitude for saving it.

Part 2: Responsibility Is Not a Favor

1. The Difference Between Duties and Debts

  • Parental Duty: Caring for a child is a legal and ethical requirement. Neglect is punishable by law.
  • Favors: Voluntary acts of kindness (e.g., a stranger paying for your meal).
Key Point: Children don’t incur debt for receiving what parents are required to provide.

2. The Cultural Fallacy of "Repayment"

Many cultures preach filial piety, but this conflates duty with charity:
  • Asian Traditions: Confucianism mandates lifelong parental obedience.
  • African Norms: Children are seen as retirement plans.
Counterargument: If parents wanted ROI, they should have invested in stocks, not humans.

Part 3: The Debt Parents Owe Children

1. The Unhealthy Human Condition

The WHO defines health as "complete physical, mental, and social well-being"—a state almost no one achieves. By this standard:
  • Chronic Stress: 74% of adults report financial anxiety (APA, 2023).
  • Mental Illness: 1 in 4 people experience depression (WHO).

Parents force children into this struggle without consent.

2. The Ecological Burden

  • Climate Crisis: Children inherit a dying planet.
  • Economic Inequality: Millennials earn 20% less than boomers did at their age (Brookings).
Irony: Parents demand gratitude for a world they’ve made harder to survive in.

Part 4: Rebalancing the Relationship

1. Parental Accountability

Parents should:
  • Acknowledge Their Choice: "I brought you here; my job is to set you up for success."
  • Reject Martyrdom: Cooking meals isn’t a favor—it’s the bare minimum.

2. Healthy Adult Relationships

  • Gratitude ≠ Obligation: Children can appreciate parents without accepting guilt.
  • Mutual Respect: Parents who respect boundaries earn love, not fear.

Conclusion: Breaking the Guilt Cycle

The narrative that children owe parents is a manipulative relic. No one chooses existence, but parents choose to create it. True love means raising children without keeping score.

As philosopher David Benatar argues: "The cost of existence is always borne by the child, never the parent." It’s time to stop pretending otherwise.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Roll One

The sun hung low in the sky, a dull orange ember smoldering behind a haze of dust. Chwa found Bandia perched on the cracked concrete slabs that served as the stairway to their mother’s house. Bandia’s eyes were half-lidded, the whites tinged pink, his gaze drifting lazily over the empty yard. The scent of burnt herbs clung to him—earthy, pungent, familiar. They greeted each other with a loose bump of fists, knuckles barely grazing. Chwa lowered himself beside his brother, the rough concrete biting into his thighs. For a while, neither spoke. The silence between them was comfortable, worn-in, like an old shirt. Finally, Chwa exhaled sharply and said, "Bandia, I think it’s time I started smoking weed." Bandia turned slowly, his lips curling into a knowing smirk. "Oh? And what brought this grand revelation?" Chwa rubbed his palms together, staring at the dirt between his feet. "I used to think I could get through this life sober. Thought if I worked hard, kept my ...

A Morning in Nairobi

David woke at 7:31 AM to the bite of Nairobi's cold morning air. The bed's warmth clung to him like a jealous lover, but life demanded movement. With a groan, he swung his legs over the side, his feet meeting the chilled concrete floor. Few things defined David like his obsession with exercise. Months earlier, he'd turned down a lucrative job offer—one that would’ve doubled his salary—because it threatened his workout routine. To him, no paycheck outweighed the rhythm of his disciplined mornings. The Ritual Bare-chested and in shorts, he cleared a space in the cramped room. Reverse lunges first—two hundred of them. Then push-ups, squats, burpees. Sweat beaded on his forehead within minutes. "This is how a body stays alive," he thought, relishing the burn in his thighs. At thirty-eight, his lean frame defied the potbellied fate of most African men his age. A girl at a bar weeks ago had guessed he was twenty-eight. The memory still made him grin. An hour and a half ...

Revisiting Gender Discussions: Embracing the Biological Perspective

  T he discussions surrounding gender should become increasingly complex since the focus on social constructions stifles conflicting perspectives and evolving ideologies. Despite neglecting conflicting perspectives , one prevailing issue emerges—role confusion. Over the years, the feminist movement has championed the cause of gender equality, advocating for women's rights and dismantling archaic stereotypes. Yet, despite strides made in education, employment, and social recognition, a significant portion of women seems hesitant to embrace roles historically attributed to men. T here remains a palpable reluctance among women to ascend to roles traditionally associated with men, particularly that of the provider or breadwinner. This phenomenon raises profound questions about the prevailing social construction perspective on gender . It signals that there could be more to the explanation of this gender phenomenon. Probably, it is time to seriously consider the biological pers...